I’ve never been super confident to begin with – and my life, having been the emotional roller coaster that it’s been (I can imagine yours has been as well!), for reasons I’m not going to bore you with – hasn’t really improved that. On the rare occasions when I’ve managed to, even remotely, build my confidence up, it’s been knocked down again just as fast…
With age though, I’ve found that, as much as my confidence is still lacking on many (MANY) levels, I’ve learned to accept me for ME more and more. I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am – flaws, quirks, bad habits and all! See, I believe step 1 in being able to change is accepting the “flaw” – not that I really like the word “flaw”… I prefer to call it “THE QUIRK” (as quirk, to me, is something that makes me “ME”). HOWEVER, one of the things I still struggle with is accepting compliments from others. Or, I guess it’s not so much the compliments REALLY… Not as much as my “excuses” and the negative self-talk I use when trying to “cope” with the compliments (- I know, right?! Who has to COPE with compliments?!). I don’t know why, but it feels like I always need to “explain them away”…Like I need to “prove people wrong” when they compliment me or just “blame” the compliment on something external that has nothing to do with me. I’ll drop lines like:
- “Yea, this top’s from Primark, I got it ’cause it was cheap.”
- “Thanks, but I’m just doing my job!”
- “Thanks, they’re really old! I just found them in my closet”(In terms of shoes, clothes etc)
Why is it so hard to just say “Thank you.”, sh** up and let it be?
I know it’s MY issue though… Hence, I have decided to take on a bit of a challenge. I thought about it a couple of days ago when the picture below showed up on my Facebook-newsfeed. I need to stop dragging myself down. From now on, I’ve decide to stop being so “mean” to myself. I mean, what harm could actually “being nice” to myself do? Surely no more harm than I’m already doing to myself by making excuses and telling myself maybe I should “lay off the wine,biscuits and whatever other unhealthy stuff I’m eating and do more exercise”?
I may have “accepted myself” in a way, but I still keep blurting out feisty comments to myself and, let’s face it people, our subconscious hears EVERYTHING, right? So of course my inner self keeps hearing me slagging myself off! Well, that stops now! I’m going to start loving/being kind to myself 100% of the time! 80-90% isn’t cutting it.
I’m the one who’s going to have to live with myself for the rest of my life! Which is exactly why THE most important thing is that I LOVE MYSELF! Let the challenge begin!