News just in from an office building far, far away, report that severe stress appears to be causing a certain young woman to form abnormal attachments… To items on her desk!
This news comes after the young woman is reported to have been overheard, speaking to said items – telling ‘Scanlon the Screen’ to stop flickering at her as she’s ‘not interested’, while whispering to ‘Stuart and Stacey’ (Stressballs) to stop ‘pushing each other around’ and trying to stop ‘Hayley the Handcream’ from drowning ‘Stanley Stapler’.
When made aware of the concerns for her mental welfare, the young woman simply said “What do you mean? I thought everyone named the things on their desks… It gives them more ‘personality’…”
Mental health professionals on site have agreed to give the young woman until the end of the day to ‘bounce back’. We have been informed that the matter will be revisited in the morning.