(Near) Death By Umbrella In Suburbia!

At some point between 10PM and 11 PM this evening, a ‘near death’ incident is said to have occurred at Number 28.

Upon getting ready to ‘turn in’ for the night, the young (somewhat ditzy) lodger is reported to have ventured into her dark bedroom. “I was on my way over to turn my bedside lamp on like I always do… And that’s when it happened!” The young woman said, before going into describe the following course of events. “I suddenly felt something poke into my right leg and it startled me. Jumping to my left, in shock, I was even more startled as I nearly stumbled over something! It wasn’t until I’d neatly fallen backwards back out the door, hiding behind the sheet is hung up to dry, that I actually remembered…”. 

Upon backtracking her ‘movements’ from earlier in the evening, the young woman confessed to eventually (when the penny dropped!) remembering that, what she had momentarily thought to be some sort of a mutated, monster-spider trying to ‘feel her up’ in the dark, was, in fact, one of two umbrellas she had put up to dry earlier in the evening – the second umbrella being the one she nearly tripped over! “With the risk of sounding like my grandmother, I have SO many things to keep track of! Honestly! How can I possibly be expected to remember everything?! Quite frankly, I don’t know what would’ve been worse/ more embarrassing… Dying from the fear/ surprise at having an umbrella ‘fondling’ my leg… Or dying from actually tripping over it?!”

Sources close to the young woman claim she has calmed down slightly after the incident. She has also admitted to her mistake and sworn to narrow her ‘umbrella usage’ down to just ONE a day.


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