‘Collapse’ Causes ‘Near Drowning’ Incident – Wellies: “We Have Never Felt So Useless!”

A sudden umbrella collapse is said to have led to a young woman nearly ‘drowning’ – in the ‘monsoon’ that hit the south coast of Britain – yesterday. “I had merrily skipped off the bus to head to the shop when my umbrella suddenly decided to ‘cave in’ just as I was opening it!”

Witnesses claim the young woman managed to make it to the shop relatively ‘unscathed’ by letting the plastic of the crumbling umbrella surround her as she walked. “It just seemed like the right thing to do. You know! To keep my cool…?” The young woman said, claiming it was the journey home from the shop that got interesting. “I tried the same approach… only, at this point, the umbrella had started to cave in even more! I did make it back through. But my tights – where not covered by wellies – were soaked!”

Meanwhile, the young woman’s wellies have released a statement, claiming they have never felt so powerless in their entire existence. “It was all we could do to cover her feet and calves! We were powerless to help in any other way!”

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